I always get so weary of telling my "successful" stories in living a missional life. So I'm very happy to report that this one is not full of self-promotion or patting myself on the back. This story is one that I regret. This story is one that God used to remind me of just how broken and how much I need Jesus and the Gospel in my life.
Last Friday night, the 15th of January, I had just gotten off of work in Fullerton at the TSU. It was 6pm and I needed to hit the Arco on Placentia and Chapman before meeting my sister and brother to go to dinner and see The Book of Eli.
It's during this drive for gas that something strange happens. I start to sense and feel God reminding me to keep my eyes open, to always be on the lookout for ways to "be a blessing to others" (Genesis 12:1-3) and constantly be on the look out for how God is already moving and working inside Fullerton and all of Orange County. It is with that fleeting thought that I pull into the Arco and start pumping gas into my truck.
Shortly after this, a man on the other side of my pump approaches me and asks me for some money because he ran out of gas for his car and he forgot his wallet at home. Now this is the part of the story that I'm ashamed of, I originally told him no because I didn't trust the way he looked. He looked suspicious. Baggy clothes, etc. The Holy Spirit thankfully starts working on me as I go in to pick up my change and I'm reminded of the conversation God had with me 5 minutes earlier that night, and right in that instance my brokenness, my sinfulness is put on display for me to see. It felt like I had been hit by a bag of bricks multiple times.
So, begrudgingly, shamefully, humbly, brokenly, I go back out to the guy near his car with $6 in my hands (enough for 2 gallons of gas) and shake his hands and all I simply say is "Hope this helps." I didn't say anything else, because at that point it was time for me to have an honest conversation with Jesus on my drive home about why I held the thoughts I held and how I need to be constantly reminded of how much I don't deserve anything Jesus gives me/does for me; how much I need the Gospel; how much the Gospel is not just for those who need Jesus for a first time, but for those who have been with Jesus for some time; how much I need to constantly recalibrate my life around the cross and the resurrection.
On the drive home, my mind was reminded of the passage in Genesis about Abraham and the 3 strangers (Genesis 18:2-8) who visit him. He had no idea who they were, he just blesses them. He takes them in as sojourners. Doesn't ask questions, just offers to bless them. Meanwhile, as I write this I'm reminded of my favorite prophet ever, the begrudging Jonah, who refused to go to the Ninevites because he knew God could save them and then gets upset when God does.
All this reminds me of how broken I am and finds me asking myself pertinent questions we all should ask: who are those God's calling me to bless unconditionally; who are those I'm afraid to live sacrificially, missionally, servantly, lovingly for because they might repent and come to Jesus?
